return my video game
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
