if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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