i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
