Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
