Are we in a gay sports bar?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
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The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
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speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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