Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
