so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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