There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
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I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
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I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I woke up under a house in Key West
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