Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
