You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
