I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize