Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
