there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
