Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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