I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
