So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm having to shit out rocks
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
