were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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