If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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