your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
