I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
