I'm gonna have a badass scar
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
