Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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