She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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