im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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