I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
