I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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