you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
