atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
sex in a hospital.. check
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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