Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
