I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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