I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's never too late to be topless.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
