Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
