The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
