he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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