And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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