:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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