I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
