He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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