I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
