Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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