Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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