I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
