I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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