she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
