we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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