i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
