You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
