what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
