i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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