I feel like I'm in dance class right now
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
