don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
