butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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