if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
