I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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