Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
