I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I need to align my fucking chakras
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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