cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
