dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
