i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
