$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
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Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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